OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
