Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
