was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
