Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
