Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
