shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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