More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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