i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
