My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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