but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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