btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
