drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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