her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
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