Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
