I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
