I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
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Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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