I am in a vortex of obligation.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You took a bar mat shot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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