your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You've changed since you got that strap on
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
