I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
