I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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