I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When are your genitals available?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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