We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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