i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
