party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
