In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dear god my vagina.
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