The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
