You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
