I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My feet surprised me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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