i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
