i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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