Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
