he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
