remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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