sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
