the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize