Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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