mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
