At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
