She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
