You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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