Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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