I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
