9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
