I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
