Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I smell like Dick and happiness
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
