Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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