If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
