I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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