He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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