if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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