I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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