I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
