Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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