I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
