:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
