I want to walk on stilts...naked
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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