I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
