i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
