Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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