everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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