Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
