Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My ATM looks so different sober.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
