How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter