I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?