Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.

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(434): Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/4ejh

Replies (32) Good night (1655) Bad night (3899)
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(703): View more from Virginia

i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!

(804): View more from Virginia

Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!

(703): View more from Virginia

well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.

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(703): i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days! (804): Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us! (703): well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted. http://tfl.nu/ybes

Replies (48) Good night (5762) Bad night (821)
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(916): View more from California

the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.

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(916): the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it. http://tfl.nu/4aun

Replies (20) Good night (4736) Bad night (727)
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(970): View more from Colorado

just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

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(970): just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address.... http://tfl.nu/ivpp

Replies (28) Good night (6237) Bad night (2030)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

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(401): You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk" http://tfl.nu/xogg

Replies (13) Good night (6138) Bad night (1020)
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(754): View more from Florida

you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.

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(754): you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/syql

Replies (16) Good night (4386) Bad night (1078)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across

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(918): Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across http://tfl.nu/uhsj

Replies (11) Good night (3594) Bad night (1003)
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(613): View more from Ontario

There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.

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(613): There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order. http://tfl.nu/vb6g

Replies (23) Good night (5035) Bad night (903)
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(319): View more from Iowa

She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!

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(319): She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?! http://tfl.nu/73w6

Replies (5) Good night (1201) Bad night (3030)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.

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(859): I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there. http://tfl.nu/fp94

Replies (6) Good night (2076) Bad night (698)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.

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(519): Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen. http://tfl.nu/rpyn

Replies (9) Good night (2306) Bad night (797)
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(585): View more from New York

Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up

(1-585): View more from New York

Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit

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(585): Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up (1-585): Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit http://tfl.nu/gck7

Replies (6) Good night (2410) Bad night (1031)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

ROADTRIP.

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(405): Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak. (1-405): ROADTRIP. http://tfl.nu/2zv7

Replies (20) Good night (1563) Bad night (384)
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(805): View more from California

Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.

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(805): Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB. http://tfl.nu/41ax

Replies (5) Good night (596) Bad night (303)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I put xanax in the cake batter

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

Did you really? It all makes sense now.

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(201): I put xanax in the cake batter (1-201): Did you really? It all makes sense now. http://tfl.nu/asjy

Replies (14) Good night (952) Bad night (321)

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