i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.