So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
