I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration