I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."