How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
