I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
