ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
